diff --git a/.github/workflows/bench-pr.yml b/.github/workflows/bench-pr.yml
index 7e6cd69b4aa..4d2af69aaee 100644
--- a/.github/workflows/bench-pr.yml
+++ b/.github/workflows/bench-pr.yml
@@ -54,6 +54,8 @@ jobs:
       - uses: actions/checkout@v6
         with:
           ref: ${{ github.event.pull_request.head.sha }}
+      - name: Setup benchmark environment
+        run: sudo bash scripts/setup-benchmark.sh
       - uses: ./.github/actions/setup-rust
         with:
           repo-token: ${{ secrets.GITHUB_TOKEN }}
diff --git a/.github/workflows/bench.yml b/.github/workflows/bench.yml
index 9743a554eae..e892bc10b63 100644
--- a/.github/workflows/bench.yml
+++ b/.github/workflows/bench.yml
@@ -56,6 +56,8 @@ jobs:
         with:
           sccache: s3
       - uses: actions/checkout@v6
+      - name: Setup benchmark environment
+        run: sudo bash scripts/setup-benchmark.sh
       - uses: ./.github/actions/setup-rust
         with:
           repo-token: ${{ secrets.GITHUB_TOKEN }}
diff --git a/.github/workflows/ci.yml b/.github/workflows/ci.yml
index c3d4b3e81b0..33d86276724 100644
--- a/.github/workflows/ci.yml
+++ b/.github/workflows/ci.yml
@@ -686,6 +686,8 @@ jobs:
         with:
           sccache: s3
       - uses: actions/checkout@v6
+      - name: Setup benchmark environment
+        run: sudo bash scripts/setup-benchmark.sh
       - uses: ./.github/actions/setup-rust
         with:
           repo-token: ${{ secrets.GITHUB_TOKEN }}
diff --git a/.github/workflows/sql-benchmarks.yml b/.github/workflows/sql-benchmarks.yml
index f98e7ef87d4..bdb78924313 100644
--- a/.github/workflows/sql-benchmarks.yml
+++ b/.github/workflows/sql-benchmarks.yml
@@ -115,6 +115,8 @@ jobs:
 
       - uses: actions/checkout@v6
         if: inputs.mode != 'pr'
+      - name: Setup benchmark environment
+        run: sudo bash scripts/setup-benchmark.sh
       - uses: ./.github/actions/setup-rust
         with:
           repo-token: ${{ secrets.GITHUB_TOKEN }}
diff --git a/scripts/setup-benchmark.sh b/scripts/setup-benchmark.sh
new file mode 100755
index 00000000000..1e02d79cc3d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/setup-benchmark.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,30 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env bash
+
+# SPDX-License-Identifier: Apache-2.0
+# SPDX-FileCopyrightText: Copyright the Vortex contributors
+
+set -Eeu -o pipefail -x
+
+if [ "$EUID" -ne 0 ]; then
+    echo "Environment setup script for benchmarks should run as root."
+    exit 0
+fi
+
+# Really discourage swapping to disk
+sysctl vm.swappiness=0
+
+# Disable ASLR - https://docs.kernel.org/admin-guide/sysctl/kernel.html#randomize-va-space
+sysctl kernel.randomize_va_space=0
+
+# Reduce kernel logging to minimum
+dmesg -n 1
+
+# Disable some unused services and features
+systemctl stop apparmor ModemManager
+systemctl disable apparmor ModemManager
+
+# mask prevents them from being started by other services
+systemctl mask ModemManager
+
+# For apparmor specifically, also teardown loaded profiles
+aa-teardown